I selfishly like to confess things and make people read it.

Is there a psychological disorder where you perpetually blame the victim? I think I have it.

I was laying on the couch completely zoned out when something occurred to me. "You blamed that little girl for lying. You swore up and down there was someone who had a vendetta against your brother and made him out to be a child molester. Then he confessed. This little girl that you brutally doubted was a victim. NOT your monstrous brother."

OK.

Do you also remember, dear brain, that you visited your sister after a 10 year silence. She told you your father molested her and had you recall all the ways he was inappropriate. Devastation. Freak out. You are picked up from the airport almost catatonic laying on the ground.

Then why were you so easily swayed AGAIN to believe that this victim was lying? YOUR SISTER, you thought, was seriously confused and was filling your head with delusions. YOU weren't molested, so then there's obviously no way she was, right?

Wrong. Fucking wrong again.

Where I am

We're coming off the heels of my biological dad's birthday. This has left me feeling weird, angry, and like I want to put a metal trash can over his head and bang it with a stick.

The tentative contact with my sister in law has been made. I have so much that I want to tell her and my niece, I don't know where to begin and I'm stalling.

Along with my mother, I've made the decision that I want to talk to my brother face to face. There are some things that I just can't go the rest of my life without knowing.

I know it's getting a bit redundant, but I can't thank you all enough for your support.

So that's where I am right now; not very far at all.